Russian food porn post

I hear all the best porn sites are Russian, right? Gotta be the same with food -- although I hope the virus thing for Russian food porn is not as nasty as I hear about, well, never mind. Last night, I finally actually made the pelmeni. Without a KitchenAid mixer, it was more labor-intensive than I might have liked, but it turned out great. Yeah, I was up late doing it, but it was worth it.

So, we start with ingredients. First, you will need a pound of ground beef and a pound of ground pork. Mix them together, like so:

 How you mix up your meat is not my problem. Just mix it up right. Then, take a medium onion, finely diced. You can use a grater, like I did, or a food processor, or whatever. I don't care. Just get that shit chopped up right, and put it in a pan with about a tablespoon of olive oil. Sautee that stuff, and once it gets to looking soft-ish, throw in three cloves of garlic that you put through the garlic press:

 Once all that looks all golden-sauteed, add it to the meat mixture:

Mix it up right:

Then set that puppy aside. We got work to do. Gather together some buttermilk, a bunch of flour, two eggs, salt, pepper, and sour cream. And two cups of warm water. Go. I'll wait.

Yes, I know not everything was pictured there. Live with it. First, add 2/3 cups of buttermilk to 1 tbsp of sour cream and two eggs:

Then add two cups of warm water, plus 1-1/2 tsp of salt:

Whisk that stuff together. Mix it up right, people:

Time to start adding flour. First, add 4 cups of flour, and mix it up right using your dough hook, whether it is on a candy ass mixer like mine or a macho KitchenAid mixer like I ain't got. Add 3 more cups, one cup at a time, making sure that each cup is thoroughly mixed in before adding the next.

 You should keep adding flour after that, 1 tablespoon at a time, until the dough stops sticking to the side of the bowl. This is important. Write it on your palm.

Once you have the dough ready, rip off a chunk about the size of a tennis ball;

Roll that sucker out:

Bust out your pelmeni pan, fresh from Ukraine:

Put your pelmeni pan on the cutting board, and put that first roll-out of dough over it:

Now,  put about 1/2 tsp of meat into each of the indentations where there is a hole in the pelmeni pan. No shit, only a half-teaspoon. Trust me on this. More will mess things up:

Roll out another chunk of dough, like before, and put it over the meat-filled pan. Roll your rolling pin over that untill it looks like each "cell" is separate from the others. Strip off excess dough:

Turn the pan over and gently push out each individual dumpling:

Flour them a little, then put them on a plate with some wax paper. Stack batches if you like. But put them in the freezer, because this recipe creates way more than you can eat tomorrow.. Once frozen, transfer the dumplings to Ziploc bags of suitable size and freeze them all the way. Leave them waiting until you are ready to eat them. When you are ready to eat them, bring some water with a little salt in it to a boil, toss in some pelmeni, then return the water to a boil for about 3 minutes.

Slap those suckers on a plate. You can serve with chicken broth, sour cream, vinegar, catsup, tossed in melted butter or plain. They're really good no matter what:

Bon appetit, y'all.